Written by Jessica Knight, Psy.D.

 

Grief takes many forms—the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even the future we once envisioned. The initial shock of loss is often compounded by a profound sense of the unknown, which can intensify during times of cultural or societal uncertainty. Grief is not a linear process, and it manifests in various ways, impacting our emotions, bodies, thoughts, behaviors, and spirituality. 

 

What Is Grief? 

Grief is the psychological, emotional, and physiological response to significant loss. While it is most associated with the death of a loved one, grief also encompasses losses of relationships, opportunities, and aspects of identity. Studies have shown that grief can have significant health effects, including an increased risk of heart issues immediately following a profound loss (Knowles et al., 2019). Grief is often confused with bereavement and mourning. Bereavement refers specifically to the experience of losing a loved one, while mourning involves the cultural expressions and rituals associated with that loss (APA, 2022; Shear, 2015). 

 

The Complexity of Grief 

Grief is not just sorrow—it is a deeply layered experience that can include moments of relief, gratitude, longing, and even joy. It’s possible to grieve a relationship while recognizing it wasn’t healthy, to find comfort in cultural practices that honor lost loved ones, and to feel sadness and peace simultaneously. 

 

Common Responses to Grief 

Emotional Responses 

Grief can stir a mix of emotions, including sadness, loneliness, fear, regret, relief, shame, anxiety, anger, guilt, apathy, and numbness. These feelings can be particularly jarring during culturally designated “happy” times, such as the holidays. It’s important to remember that grief is not the same as depression, though they may share similarities. 

Physical Responses 

Headaches, nausea, fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes and weakened immune function are common physical reactions to grief.  

Cognitive Responses 

Grief can impact focus, memory, decision-making, and overall mental clarity, sometimes leading to “grief fog.” It may also bring obsessive thoughts about the loss, disbelief, or idealization of the person or situation that has been lost. 

Spiritual Responses 

People may experience questioning or deepening of faith, anger toward spiritual beliefs, or a renewed search for meaning and connection. 

Behavioral Responses 

Isolation, withdrawal from hobbies, overachievement, irritability, or putting on a facade of happiness to ease others’ discomfort are common reactions. 

  

Grief in U.S. Culture 

In the U.S., grief is often misunderstood, with societal messages urging people to “move on” or view it as a series of stages to complete. However, grief does not simply fade or disappear. Instead, it becomes a part of us, and we grow around it. 

Grief counselor, Lois Tonkin introduced the idea that, rather than shrinking over time, grief remains constant while we expand and integrate new experiences around it. This perspective acknowledges that moments of darkness can coexist with joy and that healing does not mean forgetting but learning to carry our grief differently as we learn to heal. 

 

Finding Meaning in Grief 

Meaning making can be a powerful tool in processing grief. Some ways people create meaning include: 

1. Choosing Attitude – Recognizing that, even in adversity, we have control over our mindset. 
2. Connecting to Life – Finding solace in relationships, nature, art, or humor. 
3. Engaging in Purposeful Activities – Pursuing hobbies, work, or acts of service. 
4. Exploring Legacy – Understanding how past, present, and future intertwine in our personal narratives. 

For many, grief deepens spirituality, increasing a sense of connection to self, others, and the world. It can also lead to a search for new meaning or reaffirm long-held beliefs. 

 

How to Navigate Grief 

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

Healing takes time. Acknowledge that grief does not have a deadline and allow yourself to feel emotions without judgment. 

2. It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

There is no right way to grieve. Recognizing that grief is an evolving part of your life can help you begin to embrace change rather than resist it. 

3. Seek Support

Speaking with a trusted friend, joining a support group, or working with a professional therapist can be invaluable in processing grief. Therapy provides a space to explore emotions, recognize patterns, and develop coping strategies tailored to your experience. 

 

The key is allowing yourself to hold these contradictions. Embracing grief’s complexity makes space for healing and growth. 

 

Taking Small Steps Forward 

During difficult times, small acts of self-care can help. Try to: 

• Spend time with loved ones 

• Engage in grounding activities, like journaling or walking 

• Hug a pet 

• Practice mindfulness 

• Allow yourself moments of joy 

Above all, know that grief is a shared human experience, and support is available when you need it. 

 

Finding Support at PNBC 

At PNBC, we acknowledge the hardships of grief while offering hope for the future. We provide professional support to help you navigate loss with humility and reverence for the human experience. If you are struggling with grief, you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out today for in-person or virtual therapy in California. Contact us to schedule a session today.