Written by Margaret Elle Wiggins, Ph.D.
As we age, it is normal to experience some memory loss. The most common complaints of normal aging include general forgetfulness, feeling slower, and having a hard time coming up with a specific word (feeling as if it is on the “tip of the tongue”).
However, sometimes memory loss goes beyond what is expected with normal aging. Some signs that memory loss may be suggestive of a bigger problem include things such as struggling with learning or remembering new information, frequent forgetfulness or confusion, notable changes to mood or personality, and problems completing everyday tasks (e.g., driving or managing finances).
This can happen for a variety of reasons such as Alzheimer’s disease/other forms of dementia, strokes, severe mental health concerns, or other medical conditions that can impact cognitive function. Memory loss can impact both the person experiencing it and their loved ones and caregivers. As challenging as watching your loved one go through memory loss can be, it is important to understand how to most effectively communicate and best offer support.
Effective Communication Strategies
Every person’s experience with memory loss is unique, but below are some general communication strategies that may be helpful:
Use Simple and Easy-To-Understand Language
It can be helpful when speaking to someone with memory loss to use language that is simple and easy for them to understand. This may include using shorter or direct statements. For example, instead of saying “Would you like to go to the mall to shop for new clothes after lunch?” you could try “Would you like to go shopping today?” or even “Let’s go shopping today.”
Speak Slowly, Repeat Information, and Check for Comprehension
Communicating with someone with memory loss can be frustrating at times, especially if you must frequently repeat things you have already said. It can sometimes feel as if your loved one does not care or is not listening, so it can be helpful to remind yourself that forgetfulness is often not intentional or due to a lack of interest.
Memory loss can slow down someone’s ability to comprehend and process what is being said. Speak slowly when communicating important information and pause to allow your loved one to think about what was said. Then, ask them to repeat the information back to you in their own words to check for understanding. Try to avoid rushing them or completing their sentences for them. Instead, try to be patient and if your loved one cannot recall the information accurately, try repeating it in simpler terms.
Try to Avoid Arguing about Misremembered Information
It is a normal part of the memory loss process to inaccurately remember information. It can be tempting to correct your loved one and point out their inaccuracies. However, doing so can lead to frustration, anger, and sadness. Instead of arguing over every incorrect point, try to redirect the conversation or validate their feelings and experiences.
For example, if a loved one is telling you about something that you both experienced that was inaccurate, you could say something like “I’m not sure if I remember that the same way you do but tell me about how that made you feel in the moment.”
Offer Choices When Making Decisions
Individuals experiencing memory loss may find it challenging to respond to open-ended questions. Instead, being given choices can help reduce cognitive burden and can increase a sense of autonomy.
For example, instead of asking “What would you like for lunch today?” you can ask “Would you rather have a sandwich or a salad for lunch?” Keep it simple by only offering two options.
Maintaining Routines with Memory Loss
In addition to engaging in effective coping strategies, maintaining routines can be largely helpful for individuals experiencing memory loss. Routines help provide structure, which can reduce confusion and frustration.
Individuals with memory loss sometimes experience increased confusion or agitation in the late afternoons or at night. This is known as “sundowning”. Having a structured routine can also help minimize the effects of sundowning by helping the individual with memory loss have a calm and familiar environment. Some examples for how to manage routines are discussed below:
Maintain a Consistent Sleep Schedule
Maintaining regular sleep patterns can help reduce confusion/disorientation and in particular sundowning. By encouraging your loved one to go to sleep and wake up at a consistent time, it can help regulate their body’s circadian rhythm. Additionally, maintaining sleep hygiene can help foster a good night’s rest. Some examples of sleep hygiene strategies can be found at:
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene
Scheduled Activities and Breaks
Having consistently scheduled activities throughout the day can help manage energy and reduce confusion. It can also help avoid overstimulation or becoming tired (and potentially agitated or confused) from over-exertion. This may include regularly going for a short walk after lunch or watching a scheduled news or television program in the evenings. Having routines in place can also help with avoiding overexertion during the potential sundowning hours.
Keeping the home well-lit and spending time outside during the afternoon may also help reduce sundowning.
Caregiver Support
Being a caregiver for a loved one with memory loss can sometimes feel frustrating and isolating. It is important to also take care of yourself and your own well-being. There are many resources available to both the patient and their caregivers to help reduce caregiver burden and to ease the emotional and physical demands of caregiving. Some potential resources of interest are discussed below.
Adult Day Programs
Adult day programs can be a wonderful resource for individuals with memory loss. These programs offer structured activities throughout the day, offering both a routine for the patient as well as some reprieve for the caregivers.
The National Adult Day Services Association can be a helpful resource to find programs near you:
Caregiver Individual and Group Support
There are various caregiver support options on both a national and a local level that offer valuable resources.
The Alzheimer’s Association is another wonderful resource for people with a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease. For those living in the San Diego area, the Alzheimer’s Association has an active local chapter. More information can be found at:
https://www.alzsd.org/services/#_support-for-caregivers
Here at Pacific Neurobehavioral Clinic, we can offer in-person and telehealth therapy/support services for both patients and their caregivers. This can include psychoeducation about the aging process, in-depth discussions about various communication strategies, additional effective coping strategies for cognitive compensation, and importantly, emotional support. If you are interested in learning more information about our therapy services, please contact us and we would be happy to answer any questions you may have:
https://www.neuropacific.com/request-an-appointment/
Final Thoughts
Caring for your loved one with memory loss can be challenging, but it is important to remember that there are resources to help you and that you do not have to navigate this alone. Having effective communication and coping strategies can make a significant difference in your quality of life and can help you feel confident while also ensuring that your loved one receives the care they deserve.
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